Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
