Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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