Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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