I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
