If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
