She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
