R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
