so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city