Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.