i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
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He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.