i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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