I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm like, not good at living.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
