this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
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