They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
