Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
