I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
