im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
