Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
