hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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