Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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