No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
