Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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