Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Randomize
