just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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