Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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