you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
