On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
