I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
