Will you blow on my dice?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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