If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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