I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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