So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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