Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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