I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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