whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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