I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
