So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
