I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
