I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
