walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
