remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
