Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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