Small penises have feelings too.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
