We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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