just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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