i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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