Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
