Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
