I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
