I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
