wrigley field is MILF paradise
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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