I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
