Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
