could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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