Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
