isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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