Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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