It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
