You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
