i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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