I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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