We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
