weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
