i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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