just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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