I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
