Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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