You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
