is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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