cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
