did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
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Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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