I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
