a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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