Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
