If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
